Distinctions, Leadership

Mirroring Distinction

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I have noticed, that when participating in group activities, I often reflect or mirror the emotional state of the group in my own body.   I have also seen when I am in a group that is interacting with another group, our group can take on the emotions of that other group.  
This happens in team sports; but I have seen this show up in military and business units, and often not in a positive way.
For a leader (authority), this is really important data.    But before getting practical, what is really (scientifically) going on?   I have recently read about mirror neurons that exist in our ventral pre-motor cortex that actually relates or mirrors inputs and activity happening to someone else and matching them through physical stimuli to ourselves.

 

Studies about these mirroring neurons show that our brains are actually capable of mirroring complex emotional states in others.    These mirror neurons will activate physical responses in us that are often the precursors of emotions within us.  If we are caught unaware, these physical changes create the same emotional state within ourselves that we saw in another, thus creating the mirror.

I should note that the psychology & biology communities are in debate about of the true science here… but it makes sense to me; like why visualization is so effective when learning a new skill or mastering a sport.

As an experiment, next time you feel an emotional shift (like being tired, upset, sad or happy) do a quick gauge of the emotional state of the people around you and see if this shift isn’t an emotional contagion impacting you from the group.   Or worse, is it your emotional shift causing the same reflection to others.

Back to leadership…

So,  when a leader takes on an emotional or physical state, his group or team will often mirror and reflect that energy.    So a leader has a great responsibility to provide safe space for the group to work.   I can just imagine General MacArthur strongly leading his troops into battle at Inchon (see picture above) and how that committed state provided reassurance and comfort to the landing troops.

But, if the leader lets his emotions get away from him, it can quickly spread throughout the team and then, potentially, to other groups. For example, a leader’s anger about an issue spreads to the group; which then engages the next group, causing some type of physical or emotional brawl.

However, a conscious leader can use this mirroring to judge the emotional state of his team by examining his emotions and feelings while interacting with it.  I am most often aware of this when I see my group acting in confusion.   The mirror of confusion is then typically a reflection of the project or activity we are working on.

Through this awareness, the leader can modify the emotional state of the group by modifying his own emotional state and then transmitting it with intention.   In the same example, a leader feeling confusion can stop the group, ask clarifying questions, set a new plan of action and eliminate the members disorientation, creating harmony and comfort.

Finally, as a side note, I have seen this phenomenon happen in many military units.  We always say the personality of the unit or squadron is reflective of the personally of its commander; or  how a pet often reflects the personality of its owner.

In summary, physical and emotional mirroring is real.  Being a leader, we need to use awareness of our emotional states as data to determine the state of our group.   When the group engages in inappropriate emotional activity, a leader should sense those changes within himself, and then use the appropriate interventions to reorient the group back toward  the mission.

With blessings – Pierre

Leadership

Feedback

Capture

We all know that feedback is really important to successful team dynamics and performance.     However, it can be tough to hear, especially when it isn’t all positive.

I remember when working for a high-energy Colonel (F-15 pilot, go figure) in the Saudi Arabia Division of International Affairs at the Pentagon.   After being there for about 3 months, I was starting to catch my stride living in DC (and the crazy commute), with two babies in the house, and a fairly demanding & unforgiving customer in the Royal Saudi Air Force; then I got called into the Boss’ office…

His feedback went something like this:   “Lucky (my callsign), I like what you are doing, but you seem to be the last one here and the first to leave; Nuts (Major, F-15E WSO) over there, is outperforming you.   Oh yea, and I need to teach you how to make coffee.. ”

My carefully articulated response:  “Sir, I don’t drink coffee”

Gruffly, he says:   “I didn’t ask you if you drank coffee…”

I still remember him explaining to add 4 heaping scoops of Folgers, then watched him demonstrate  … 1,2,3,4 and 5.

Anyway, I got the message.   DC commute or not; I needed to keep working hard, beat him in and stay later; and always add the extra scoop to whatever I did.     Shortly thereafter, I was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel two years early, and started drinking coffee.

The link below is exactly what he did (in his Colonel way).   He communicated (using Fighter Pilot metaphor, sarcasm, & ridicule) that I am part of the team, that he has high expectations for my work, and I need to add the extra (scoop) to make coffee right.

Cheers – Pierre

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/the-most-effective-way-to-give-employees-feedback-first-90-days.html

Books, Leadership, Presence

10% Happier – Book Review

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This is my book review on 10% Happier by Dan Harris.   The subtitle is “How I Tamed the Voice in my Head, Reduced Stress, without Losing my Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works.”
10% Happier

Before I start, I am empathetic to Dan Harris’ journey to find “more” happiness (at least 10% more).   After leaving the Air Force, I lost clear purpose and struggled (struggle) with happiness.   Since, I realigned “integrity” in my life,  wonderful things have happened.  Purpose has morphed from serving my country to serving others in Leadership.   But leadership is elusive and complicated (actually, the  paradox is that I make it elusive and complicated).

In reading, I found it interesting that my journey has mirrored his, coming in either direct or indirect contact with many of the same cast of characters.   His journey began as an assignment by Peter Jennings to report on US spirituality, which guided him toward many different religious leaders, in which he found meditation in Buddism.  My journey was to find a way to teach happiness (as an outcome of leadership) and make better leaders.   Both of these paths lead to mediation as a tool to teach us to respond vs react to difficult situations that arise in our humanity while becoming more compassionate, focused (mindful), and “consciously” aware of what “is”; and additionally, a path to be closer to God.

Quotable Quotes:

(Harris p19) – “When you are cut off from your emotions, they manifest in your body”

(Harris p88) – “Therapy often leads to understanding without relief”

(Harris p89) – “We suffer because we cling to things that don’t last…nothing lasts, including us…the true route to happiness is the visceral understanding of impermanence.”

(Harris p90) – “let go and drop your attachments [which is key] to recognize the wisdom of insecurity.

(Harris p91) – “churning of the ego … monkey mind”

(Harris p112) – RAIN = Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Non-Identification

(Harris p115) – respond rather than simply react

(Harris p135) – Metta – May you be happy, May you be safe and protected from harm, May you be healthy and strong, May you live with ease.

(Harris p145) – “Is this useful” a response to our need to look forward or backward in our lives based on reflection or planning.   When looking forward or backward no longer is useful, let it go.

(Harris p172) – Janice Marturano brought mediation to General Mills with the purpose of making you a better leader

(Harris p201) – “Praise Allah, but still tie your camel to the post”

(Harris p207) – “Striving is fine as long as it’s tempered by the realization that, in an entropic universe, the final outcome is out of your control.  If you don’t wast your energy on variables you cannot influence, you can focus more effectively on the ones you can” – let go of attachment to outcomes, not meaning you shouldn’t strive to succeed, just accept it might not turn out exactly as you want.

(Harris p210) – “There is no point in being unhappy about the things you can’t change, and there is no point in being unhappy about the things you can.”

(Harris p212) – litmus test of activity – “What Matters Most”

Finally, I caveat that I am a Christian and have found meditation extremely helpful in my own life.     I believe it creates a connection to calmness, and opens my mind in awareness and creativity, whatever that means.    One step further might be to say, prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening.

As a side note, as I coached another man, meditation is a great place to “fail” and practice “failing” and then accepting failure and setting it aside (I fail at not letting my mind wander, I fail at not scratching my nose, I fail at posture, I fail when I hear the dog barking next door, etc).    I don’t like failing.    However, failing is also another entry point toward creativity, pivots, and alignment.

I have been engaged in various neurologic studies and brain training which proves the incredible medical benefits of meditation.   And although I have been confronted by members of my religious community concerned about my spirituality and the perceived conflict of Eastern Religion and Christianity, I am undeterred.   Simply put, Philippians 4:8 & Joshua 1:8 (and many of the Psalms) imply that God wants us to meditate, reflect, contemplate, and focus on his Word, day and night.   Another comment below noted Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days to… pray & meditate.

Blessings – Pierre