Leadership

Feedback

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We all know that feedback is really important to successful team dynamics and performance.     However, it can be tough to hear, especially when it isn’t all positive.

I remember when working for a high-energy Colonel (F-15 pilot, go figure) in the Saudi Arabia Division of International Affairs at the Pentagon.   After being there for about 3 months, I was starting to catch my stride living in DC (and the crazy commute), with two babies in the house, and a fairly demanding & unforgiving customer in the Royal Saudi Air Force; then I got called into the Boss’ office…

His feedback went something like this:   “Lucky (my callsign), I like what you are doing, but you seem to be the last one here and the first to leave; Nuts (Major, F-15E WSO) over there, is outperforming you.   Oh yea, and I need to teach you how to make coffee.. ”

My carefully articulated response:  “Sir, I don’t drink coffee”

Gruffly, he says:   “I didn’t ask you if you drank coffee…”

I still remember him explaining to add 4 heaping scoops of Folgers, then watched him demonstrate  … 1,2,3,4 and 5.

Anyway, I got the message.   DC commute or not; I needed to keep working hard, beat him in and stay later; and always add the extra scoop to whatever I did.     Shortly thereafter, I was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel two years early, and started drinking coffee.

The link below is exactly what he did (in his Colonel way).   He communicated (using Fighter Pilot metaphor, sarcasm, & ridicule) that I am part of the team, that he has high expectations for my work, and I need to add the extra (scoop) to make coffee right.

Cheers – Pierre

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/the-most-effective-way-to-give-employees-feedback-first-90-days.html

Books, Leadership, Presence

10% Happier – Book Review

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This is my book review on 10% Happier by Dan Harris.   The subtitle is “How I Tamed the Voice in my Head, Reduced Stress, without Losing my Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works.”
10% Happier

Before I start, I am empathetic to Dan Harris’ journey to find “more” happiness (at least 10% more).   After leaving the Air Force, I lost clear purpose and struggled (struggle) with happiness.   Since, I realigned “integrity” in my life,  wonderful things have happened.  Purpose has morphed from serving my country to serving others in Leadership.   But leadership is elusive and complicated (actually, the  paradox is that I make it elusive and complicated).

In reading, I found it interesting that my journey has mirrored his, coming in either direct or indirect contact with many of the same cast of characters.   His journey began as an assignment by Peter Jennings to report on US spirituality, which guided him toward many different religious leaders, in which he found meditation in Buddism.  My journey was to find a way to teach happiness (as an outcome of leadership) and make better leaders.   Both of these paths lead to mediation as a tool to teach us to respond vs react to difficult situations that arise in our humanity while becoming more compassionate, focused (mindful), and “consciously” aware of what “is”; and additionally, a path to be closer to God.

Quotable Quotes:

(Harris p19) – “When you are cut off from your emotions, they manifest in your body”

(Harris p88) – “Therapy often leads to understanding without relief”

(Harris p89) – “We suffer because we cling to things that don’t last…nothing lasts, including us…the true route to happiness is the visceral understanding of impermanence.”

(Harris p90) – “let go and drop your attachments [which is key] to recognize the wisdom of insecurity.

(Harris p91) – “churning of the ego … monkey mind”

(Harris p112) – RAIN = Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Non-Identification

(Harris p115) – respond rather than simply react

(Harris p135) – Metta – May you be happy, May you be safe and protected from harm, May you be healthy and strong, May you live with ease.

(Harris p145) – “Is this useful” a response to our need to look forward or backward in our lives based on reflection or planning.   When looking forward or backward no longer is useful, let it go.

(Harris p172) – Janice Marturano brought mediation to General Mills with the purpose of making you a better leader

(Harris p201) – “Praise Allah, but still tie your camel to the post”

(Harris p207) – “Striving is fine as long as it’s tempered by the realization that, in an entropic universe, the final outcome is out of your control.  If you don’t wast your energy on variables you cannot influence, you can focus more effectively on the ones you can” – let go of attachment to outcomes, not meaning you shouldn’t strive to succeed, just accept it might not turn out exactly as you want.

(Harris p210) – “There is no point in being unhappy about the things you can’t change, and there is no point in being unhappy about the things you can.”

(Harris p212) – litmus test of activity – “What Matters Most”

Finally, I caveat that I am a Christian and have found meditation extremely helpful in my own life.     I believe it creates a connection to calmness, and opens my mind in awareness and creativity, whatever that means.    One step further might be to say, prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening.

As a side note, as I coached another man, meditation is a great place to “fail” and practice “failing” and then accepting failure and setting it aside (I fail at not letting my mind wander, I fail at not scratching my nose, I fail at posture, I fail when I hear the dog barking next door, etc).    I don’t like failing.    However, failing is also another entry point toward creativity, pivots, and alignment.

I have been engaged in various neurologic studies and brain training which proves the incredible medical benefits of meditation.   And although I have been confronted by members of my religious community concerned about my spirituality and the perceived conflict of Eastern Religion and Christianity, I am undeterred.   Simply put, Philippians 4:8 & Joshua 1:8 (and many of the Psalms) imply that God wants us to meditate, reflect, contemplate, and focus on his Word, day and night.   Another comment below noted Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days to… pray & meditate.

Blessings – Pierre

Leadership

The Journey

So, I’m basking in the “destination” of a Superbowl victory for the Denver Broncos. It is so cool. My wife Colleen moved to Denver about 6 years ago, and she has become a die-hard Bronco fan. She is originally from New England, and her family and siblings, of course, love Tom Brady and the gang (should I emphasize gang). For her to make a commitment to me in marriage, and one only slightly stronger, to the Broncos, is definitely unconditional love and commitment; especially in the unmerciful ribbing she gets from the Bostonians!

The talk shows in Denver have already dissected the game and now are moving on to next year… WHAT?! My anxiety is already building. How can we re-sign this great defense and build an offense for next year? How can we slog through the next season and win again, with all those highs and lows? How can we create a Bronco dynasty that wins all of the future Superbowls? Argh! I already have to let this go…

Of course, this is a highly visible metaphor for me on living in the moment or (more cliche), live in the journey.

There is a great book called “Mastery: The Keys to Success and Fulfillment” which is essentially a discussion of the truth that life exists in the journey (or present). As I think through that, I can really revel in relaxing into a Sunday afternoon with my wife and friends, experiencing that time together regardless of outcomes; and make watching football something so much more than just the outcome. It is similarly like raising our kids. When I’m in that frame of mind, I just love the “moments” that I get with them, even as they become less often; as they are moving on with their path.

In business, I can treat the goals that I have created in my strategic plan to accomplish as waypoints that may be revealed as on (or off) path. When I experience wins, I can feel joy but not comfort or stagnation. When I experience misses, I can look toward pivots and reflection as I evaluate “what I am doing.” But regardless, each helps me toward mastery of my life. And then I die, which I guess is the actual destination I face; and I’m good with that.

On Path – Pierre